All I Want to be is an Asshole

Something rather funky is welling up inside of me – the desire to be a complete asshole. Not the fight-picking, cussing, evil eye giving kind that you run into in a Superstore parking lot or at the lineup at the bus stop. I’m not even thinking of the douchey, graphic tee sporting, faux-hawk rocking asshole who make your gelatos and Cafe Americano’s at the local franchised warm beverage dispensary.

I really want to be that asshole that just speaks. Speaks exactly what I’m feeling – regardless of implications. Speaking openly about my impressions of situations, people, ideas and ideologies without tempering my words with platitudes, ego-massaging compliments, and effervescent diplomacy.

I know that doing so would be a bad call. It would be bad because it would be damaging to people and their ideas (but fuck them…it’ll make the tougher). It would be bad because despite my desire to speak it plainly I also am well aware that I haven’t all of a sudden become omniscient and perfect. I know that some of the incendiary things that i wish to say would be wrong (but really, even a profane or scandalous word in error has huge power to change the situation).

I like the notion of being that either/or person who just lays it all out there. I like the thought of not having to guard every word I say.

However, all that being said…I don’t think I’ll do it. Partly out of fear – the personal damage of being such a person could be overwhelming. Partly out of creativity – I think that I’d still rather be that person but fond creative, non-linear, and slanted ways to convey the same points and observations. Living that way is far more work but less damaging – much more I line with the trickster metaphor of the Raven and the tradition of great teachers of subversion and prophecy.

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2 Responses to All I Want to be is an Asshole

  1. coachcarrie25 says:

    I feel the exact same way. I want to be the biggest bitch ever, but then I realize that maybe one or two people actually like me still. =P

  2. zohrbak says:

    Nice. I think that secretely we ALL want to be assholes. I know I do.

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