It’s Not All About me

I’m realizing that it’s not all about me.  At least it shouldn’t be.

I’m preparing this course about engaging the “Other” and all I can think of is, ‘What if people don’t come?”  or worse, “What if only 1 person comes?”.  This has been freak’n me out.

I don’t really know why though.  I’ve had courses that were complete duds, or that were scheduled poorly or that were poorly attended for whatever reason – but this one feels different.  I’m realizing that it’s different because the content is pushing me into an uncomfortable zone.

I work in a community in which I am the minority group.  Although I’m not ethnically different I am definitely socially and culturally different.  I’m fearful because the group that may arrive will most definitely be “Other” to me.  I usually work with peers or people that inspire me or people that look up to me…i’m not used to a completely variant group dynamic.  I keep control of my monkeysphere very well – allowing something external to affect it is a scary thought for me.

I’m also realizing that I have much pride wrapped up in this.  I cannot help but have gone through the “it’s not worth it stage” if I have a low turnout.  Why waste good material on one or two people?  I’m easing myself into an awareness that it doesn’t really matter who shows up or how many.  If I believe there is value in these conversations and that those who choose to show up are also seeking to be moved by them…that’s all that matters.

This course will not be about me showing to a large group how smart I am.  It will be about me helping whoever is there – to learn to engage and love the Other.  If there is only one person – than my new opportunity is to mentor them along this journey.

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