White People Problems

Every month I splurge on my executive membership at my local YMCA.  I pay far more than I think is reasonable in order to secure my laundry service, whirlpool, larger lockers, morning paper and friendly locker room attendant. I know that I’m treating myself and that even having a place to work out is a luxury.

However, I often overhear conversations with other executive members that grab my attention.  Conversations about work place politics, getting laid off, who’s in business with whom and other such corporate miscellany.  I also hear a lot of other things that can only be considered: White People Problems.

These problems typically have to do with how to maximize their investment portfolio in order to minimize taxable income, or what type of new vehicle to buy for their 16 year old, or sometimes – things a heinous as deciding between time shares in Hawaii or Florida.

Yesterday morning I overheard some horrific white people problems from a dude in the sauna.  He was sharing how his son might have to do an additional round of tryouts for his hockey career.  This was a very frustrating to him because his son was obviously a quality player in a higher league so why should he have to qualify for a lower league.  He was concerned that his son might not make a team – not because of lack of skill but because the team has another young player who’s father happens to be a former NHL player.  He complained for 15 minutes about the disparity that his son would have to face and the unethical positioning that could occur.

After this line of complaining ran its course he proceeded to share a litany of white people problems.  He was deeply concerned with the undue hardship of winterizing his boat and RV for the season.  The thought of having to travel to his vacation condo on an upcoming weekend simply to do this painstaking task was nearly unbearable.  The sheer mental determination and the financial hardship of such an ordeal could break the will of a lesser man.

After the winterization campaign was finished…his hardships were not.  He had to deal with a sticky situation that was wrought with relational pitfalls.  His dear friend had asked if he could use one of his vacation homes for a weekend and, unbeknownst to our hero, invited 4 other family members to join him…and 2 of them were children.  Could he cope?  Would his second home ever recover?

After getting some space in order to dry my eyes from the horror of this man’s life, I unfortunately heard the final dilemma to vex him.  He was deeply concerned with the overabundance of body hair that plagued him…after all, by his own admission he was of semi-semitic origin and excess body hair was a cross that he had to bear.

Man…White People Problems are tough!!

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One Response to White People Problems

  1. brainrants says:

    Love the ‘stolen pony’ screencap.

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