I’ve been on sabbatical for about a month now (6 weeks if you include my holidays) and I feel as though I’m hitting a bit of a wall. This phrase itself is interesting because I’m in a brief period of my vocational life where walls don’t exists…yet I feel I’m hitting one??
The structural framework of my sabbatical has really not emerged – leaving me confused and a bit rudderless. I’ve had a couple of my “mentor” conversations (for lack of a better term) and I did find them challenging and valuable. I guess I’m struggling with a lack of breakthru – even though I KNOW that I shouldn’t expect one… I still WANT one.
Last night I had a stress dream. I was getting stress dreams quite frequently during the last 4-6 weeks of work before my sabbatical. They were frustrating, unnerving and generally sucky. I had one last night – and it continued it’s legacy of suckiness. My stress dreams usually involve some type of simple conflict situation that deteriorates into either a massive conflict or the players in my dream can’t seem to figure out the simple solution (despite my protestations). An example would be how to organize chairs for an event. Despite the ease of this situation it would become a stress-inducing debacle trying to convey to people what to do. Last night’s stress dream was the same format but it was about a floor hockey game gone awry. Less connected to my vocation but definitely consistent with where my mind has been lately (i’ve been playing a lot of sports and coaching too).
I think I’m freaking out because I’m 1/3 of the way through my sabbatical. I know that this sounds like a white people problem (“coz at least you have a job”) so I’ll stop whining now. I hope that I can getting “Going”. Whatever that means for me – wherever that points me – and at whatever pace that requires. Just GO.